we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
