I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
