She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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