Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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