Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
