So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
