the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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