I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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