Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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