I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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