you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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