i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
