I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
