Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
