I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
