He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
