I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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