It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
