Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
