For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
