yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We have started to decorate penises.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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