Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
