so explain again why im purple
no
she woke up with a sticky ear
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
