i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
