i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
