so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
