They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
