she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
