I like to think it a success when the cops are called
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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