He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
