you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
