marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
