Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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