Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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