Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
