This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
