cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
