I must be too annoying 4 u.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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