I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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