Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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