I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
