I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
