this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
