Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
