I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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