I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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