He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
