She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
