You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
