I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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