I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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