you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
