She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
