So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
