so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
