haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
