When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
