we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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