Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
