NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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