my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
no. you can't hotbox the world.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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