There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
