scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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