I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
