i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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