So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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