It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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