Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
