I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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