we're blogging at a bar
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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