I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
