PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I love having hate sex.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Randomize
