My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
