You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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