I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
