eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
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Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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