Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
