If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
